Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Why, Hello!

HI! Thank you for coming to check out my NEW BLOG. Yup that's right, this old broad that had the old blog that she never updated is attempting to turn over a new leaf. 

In the last year, almost every single aspect of my life seems to have changed. So it only seems fitting to start fresh.

1.) I became a mother. Piper Harlowe was born via c/s after 22 hours of labor on January 15th 2012 weighing in at 8 lbs, and 19 inches long.

2.) My family and I began house-hunting in June. We had rented a crummy apartment mainly due to location before Piper was born. We were miserable there. The neighbors were awful, and the landlords didn't take care of anything they should have. My father helped us gather a down payment, and secure a mortgage loan, and so the search began. No luck so far, and due to reason #3 we are pausing our house hunt to get everything handled first.

3.) I suffered my first major loss, my father, on 9/10/12, and am still having trouble coping. Or accepting it.  On September 9th, Scott, Piper, and I headed to Michigan City, IN to a beach house Scott's parents had rented for a week for a mini vacation. On September 10th, my father came out to join us for a couple of days. The early evening of September 10th, him and Scott walked down to the beach to go swimming in Lake Michigan, disregarding the undertow/rip current warnings. My father was pulled into the undertow. Scott made it out of the water, and a young man, without thinking twice, dove into the water to try and save my father. My father was dragged out of the choppy water, and paramedics were able to get a pulse via CPR, and he was loaded into an ambulance and taken to the hospital. 

Scott came back to the house where we were all just relaxing and playing with Piper and told me what had happened. I'm fairly certain shock set in almost immediately. We loaded up everyone in the car and headed to the ER. After about 30 minutes in the waiting room a hospital chaplain came out and brought us into a "private room". This is when I knew things were a lot worse than I was imagining. They talked to us, and I kept insisting that I NEEDED to see my father. Finally, when he was stabilized with a machine breathing for him, they allowed me to go see him. 

He looked awful. His nose was visibly broken, and he honestly looked fake. They only allowed me to stay for a few minutes to talk to him and then sent me back to the room to wait for the doctor to come and speak with me. After what felt like an eternity she came in and talked with us, explained everything that was going on, they captured a pulse, machines were breathing for him, etc etc. She also told me that they're not giving up yet, but that I should start calling friends and family  For now all they could do was done.

I called my mother and brother, as well as my aunt and uncle, and told them the news. At this point it was about 11 PM. I also called a few of my close friends for moral support. I must have talked to people in 12 different states that evening. Everyone came out. Even though it was a 2 to 2.5 hour drive. I literally felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I could not stop crying, and shaking, and rocking back and forth. 

My mother and brother arrived just as the neurologist/critical care doctors had pulled me into a room to discuss my father's condition. I completely fell apart at this point. They told us that my father had been placed on life support, put into a medically necessary coma, and body temperature was cooled down in order to try and give his brain time to "heal". The plan was for a neuro evaluation in the morning. We were allowed to go and sit with him whenever we wanted to. I was in and out of there all night, but did not manage to sleep a wink.

The next morning we got the horrible news. There was nothing going on in my dad. He was still alive via machines, but there was no brain activity. Which left us no option but to remove him from life support. On 9/10/12 at around 11 AM, he was gone. I didn't know it was possible to cry as much as I did. I don't know how I even held it together at all, for anything. And to this day, I still cannot believe he is gone. How did my dad, who was always in the water, or out canoeing by HIMSELF, drown? (Sidenote: drowning is my biggest fear in terms of ways to die, so this makes it an even harder pill to swallow)

I received an incredible amount of support, and thoughts from all over the world. (Im looking at you J12!) Without all the love and support my family and I received, I'm 100% positive that it would have been even harder to cope.

I'm left with nothing but what-ifs now. It's getting easier every day, but when I'm alone, it's hard. I am signing paperwork on Tuesday to began the probate process, so that the state doesn't take everything of his.  (Please, make a will.) This journey should take around 8 months from start to finish. 

RIP dad
08.16.1955 - 09.10.2012

4.) We moved from our apartment back into my mother's basement, while we continue to search for the right house. I feel like a HUGE LOSER, even though I know it's the right thing to do. It's an unfinished basement, so it's definitely rough around the edges, but just in the few days we have been here, it's slowly becoming more homey and less dungeon-y. Financially this was the best move we could make right now. With this arrangement, in around 4-6 months, we will be completely debt free (aside from student loans). Anything leftover after that goes into our house fund for a bigger down payment, or repairs if we do find something that needs a bit more work.

5.) Rather than going out partying and drinking and staying out late, now I spend all my spare time with my gorgeous daughter Piper. My idea of a good time now is inviting all my friends and their children over for play dates. Or watching Bubble Guppies and just playing on the playmat.

Needless to say, much like me, this blog should be quite the roller-coaster ride. I intend to fill it full of life, photos, recipes. A hodge podge if you will.


  1. Oh beautiful girl. My heart breaks for you. Piper is so blessed to have a strong, wonderful mother like you!

    Love Letters 7.10

  2. Hugs, friend. Wish we could come over for a playdate. I think Em and Piper would be close friends...and us too! =)